Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘Self care

Last night I got my butt out of the apartment to accomplish 2 errands that were pretty urgent. As I left the house, the skies got really dark and a HUGE storm hit. The power went out as I was in a store. I left and came home because I don’t like driving in storms and the other thing I had to do was something important on the master computer at my parents house. So nothing got accomplished.

Our power was back on at that point but Chris decided to take my iPad and strive to be back on the global list for the top winners on Wheel of Fortune App 🙄

I took this as an opportunity to do something unplugged. I grabbed a Geneen Roth book and a highlighter and started reading.

Now I love my iPad, but sometimes the feel of a book . . . turning the pages and visually seeing how far you have come and how far you need to go pales in comparison to digital book readers.

I ended up highlighting a lot of things in the chapter I left off on. I really like the way she writes. I love the way she is completely raw about her experiences no matter how embarrassing they may be. She tells you what she has learned while telling snippets of how she learned them, she tells you about how many people doubt her and her methods, and I find that very valuable. She makes you feel like you are ok in the space you are at right now and that you deserve to breathe, love and be present.

One of the things I read tonight really hit home. Especially with all of the mental discussion on self care. This is from her book Breaking Free From Emotional Eating which used to be breaking free from compulsive eating.

“Deserving time for yourself is not a function of how smart or pretty or thin you are. Deserving time for yourself is not a function of how much you did or didn’t accomplish that day. Deserving time for yourself is a function of the fact that you are alive and deserve to have time for yourself.”

There it is, plain and simple. Time for yourself is not a REWARD. It is not something that you deserve for AESTHETICS. It is not something you are entitled to after any kind of WORK. Being able to take time for yourself exists simply because YOU exist.

Now, its time to believe it and live it . . .

I got a fun weekend planned that includes a much needed girls night out! 🙂

WARNING: this is another post on self-care. I don’t have advice to give here or any life changing revelations. This is simply just an observation I have had recently and I’d like to post it while its on my mind.

Over the weekend my mom was driving me and my sisters somewhere. A song came on the radio that I enjoy. At first I turned it up but then quickly turned it back down to a simmer.

See, I’m the only one that enjoyed that song and I felt like if no one else did then I shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy it. Not only that, but I didn’t want to hear the . . . .

“ugh, you LIKE this song?”

I started thinking about other situations in my life that make me feel this way and coincidentally most of them revolve around food. For instance . . .

I always like to be the last one on the buffet line. whether it’s a party or some sort of event that unveils food all at once, I don’t feel like I should be up there first. Part of me just doesn’t like a crowd but I think the real reason is that I want everyone else to get what they want before I get what I want. If there is only crap left then that’s ok, thats what I deserve.

I can’t eat if your not eating. If I’m hungry and I want to eat, and Chris doesn’t want to then I just don’t eat. Eating is a pleasurable experience for me and if that other person doesn’t doesn’t want to participate, then I don’t deserve to either. I also think that when you are hungry and you eat when no one else is, it draws attention to you even if you aren’t hungry. I feel like people stare at my food and wish they ordered something and then I feel compelled to share which I don’t mind doing but attention on just me makes me uncomfortable.

These are just the main food instances, but I realize it happens a lot in life.

I like to be last on line for everything.

I never believe that I could win a contest.

I like going shopping and doing things on off peak times.

The more I think about it, the more things come to me. The main theme is that for some reason, I don’t feel like I deserve to put myself out there and do what I want. I feel like I can’t relax unless everybody else is happy. I am putting others before myself when I don’t always need to.

I must explore this more.

I obviously have a million things flying through my head since I have been accepted to Natural Gourmet Institute and will be going in less then 2 months! There has been one thought that’s been shining through all of the craziness and it seems to have a stronger presence then the rest of my thoughts. Its clear now that is that its coming from my Inner Voice

I started thinking about how incredibly busy I am going to be physically and emotionally. I need to keep up 2 days of commuting, studying, reading, practicing cooking, along with a full-time job. Not to mention all of the things I am doing now like dishes, cleaning, laundry, finances ect. Oh, and in case you we’re wondering, blogging will have plenty of time while I’m on the train 😉 *slaps high five to 3G*

I envision myself ragged and tired and always on the go. I see no time for fun things in my life (though I consider the school fun, thankfully). I see stress, financial worries and no ENERGY. This scares me 😦

Now, maybe I’m greedy . . . But I want it all! I want to be a top student. I want to contribute and show them ALL I GOT. I also want to stay on top of things at work. I want to keep up with things in the apartment. I want to keep up with my relationships with Chris, family and friends. I still want to do fun things with the tiniest bit of money I will have, if any.

Me: How am I going to do this?

Inner Voice: Well, the only way your going to do this all is by making sure you take care of yourself. In fact, if nothing else, as a student . . . You have no CHOICE but to take care of yourself!

That is absolutely correct. Above all else, I must find time to take care of myself.

I must create time to exercise my body in a way that is enjoyable.

I must take DAILY time to sit in silence with my thoughts.

I must live in every moment I get to spend time with the people I love.

I must feed my body in a way that will give me strength, energy and emotional well-being.

My body and mind are the vehicle that will be getting me where I need to go. I must bring fourth the best in order to handle everything going on in my life.

Something is clicking here. This is something that I am choosing to do for MY life. For once, I’m not on anyones watch and I am FULLY responsible for my success or failure here. For once, I feel like I have a profound reason to start taking care of me.

THIS is priority #1 and it must start NOW!



  • None
  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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