Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘sad

Ok, this is getting out of hand. Woke up to another cold, rainy dark day. It seems my mood today is following this pattern too šŸ˜¦

I honestly considered not posting at all today for fear of being too negative, but this is my life. There are good days and bad days . . . Right?

I woke up way too early this morning on a day that I was able to sleep in. Work left such a sour taste in my mouth the whole day, and I think it carried on through the night. Either way, I was able to catch up on blogs and plan out how I was going to cross of my to do list. Chris is off today too which makes things more enjoyable.

I started to have this awful pain in my back which was just annoying. Then I got a knock on the door from my ever so friendly monthly visitor. After rolling around on my bed in agony from horrid cramps for 45min, I was able to take a shower and get ready to tackle the day.

The plan was to . . .

finally finish getting car inspected

go to road runner to get fitted for running sneaks

go to mall to get some work shirts for fall/winter

go food shopping

fully clean at least ONE room in the apartment

As SOON as I got out of the shower, I looked around the apartment and was immediately overwhelmed. We haven’t done a full top to bottom clean on the apartment in months and it was showing more then ever. Not to mention the clutter . . . Oh the clutter. In my head I didn’t know where to start. There is just too much to tackle.

So, we decided to take my car to the shop only to find out that the sensor it needs to pass STILL hasn’t reset yet. He said to keep driving it around. I understand he’s trying to do his job, but damnit I feel so anxious driving around without any sticker even though I have proof that would prevent me from getting a ticket. I’m a driving cop target!

Speaking of Target, that’s where we went next to pick up a few things. That’s also where I decided a tall vanilla soy latte would make me feel all better warm and cozy. NOT . . . $3.91 for a cup filled half with foam left me with no warmth or coziness I assure you.

Off to grocery shop . . . That will make me feel better right? NOT . . . We went in without a list which gives me anxiety in the first place and ended up putting all but a few items back. I get so mad knowing I could get certain things cheaper in other stores and I wasn’t about to be screwed over again just because we were being lazy.

After dropping some things off at home where I did NOT receive my official acceptance letter still . . . . We decided to eat before we went to another store that was about 25min away. Chris has an unnatural obsession with Chinese Buffets and we had a coupon so we went for it. Problem is . . . . WE BOTH WERENT HUNGRY! I don’t mind eating food that isn’t considered ‘good’ but I do mind when I decide to eat when I clearly am not physically hungry for it. We were both punished because we both have sharp pains in our stomach and I feel like garbage. I’ll admit that I feel guilty as well even though I didn’t eat that much.

We made it to the other store and got what we needed, but coming home to stock the apartment with MORE things just makes me see all of the other things that need to get done, and now with this MSG hangover, I REALLY don’t feel like doing anything.

I know these aren’t the worst things that could happen to someone, but I’m feeling the crunch lately in all aspects.

Part of me thinks that to do lists make things worse sometimes. Working one entire day and having one entire day off the whole week makes me feel like I MUST get everything done on these off days. I find myself feeling guilty when I don’t do things and sitting around a cluttered apartment is a constant reminder of what I’m NOT doing.

I need to find balance with time management. To do lists aren’t helping lately, and scheduling blocks of time for things aren’t helping either. I feel emotionally drained even though I feel like I have no reason to be.

Anyway . . .

I’m going to try and get SOMETHING done before we have to go to Chris moms house for dinner. I would honestly rather stay here though šŸ˜¦

If your still with me, thanks for reading šŸ™‚


Me: I have been pretty bummed about the way Im not listening to my body as much as I did when I first started eating intuitively.

Inner Voice: Well, you should be proud of yourself for coming so far in fixing your relationship with food

Me: Thats the problem, I don’t think that it is about the food anymore, because if it was . . . I wouldn’t be sabotaging myself and falling off the wagon a lot. I would TRULY and HONESTLY want to feed my body right because that’s what it deserves.

Inner Voice: Well then there is your problem right there!

Me: What do you mean?

Inner Voice: I mean that under all these food issues, the real problem is that you don’t love and accept yourself. Someone who loves and accepts themselves honestly, is someone who feeds themselves well out of love.

Me: Your absolutely right and thats kind of sad . . . Well, then how do I love and accept myself?

Inner Voice: . . . . . I don’t know, but you must figure it out

Me: *sigh*


    • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
    • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
    • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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