Posts Tagged ‘peanut butter’
Defining A Binge
Posted on: September 13, 2010
Id like to say that I am proud of myself for not bingeing on food for a little over two months.
. . . Then it occurred to me that I still may be bingeing and not realizing it.
When I was training for ‘bodybuilding’ I was on a very strict calorie limit. I was denying myself not only calories, but whole food groups! Because I didn’t truly and honestly want to be in a bodybuilding competition for me and me only, you could imagine how hard I rebelled against the whole diet process.
It’s started out with a taste of peanut butter WHILE I was preparing something bland to eat. Then I took some more. I made the food I was supposed to make but I realized that I went a little bit over my peanut butter allotment for the day with the tastes.
And then, it was as if the skies opened up. I was standing in the doorway of white and sprinted past the grey into the black door. More peanut butter was consumed. Then I’d probably make toast with butter because I love bread and couldn’t have any. I opened the same fridge that I opened literally minutes before but this time all of the food was labeled ‘vacation’ instead of ‘restriction’. Id continue to eat. It was labeled this because I continued on until I was stuffed beyond belief . . . And then I woke up as if my mind was on a vacation for a whole 10min.
I’d sprint past the grey again, this time bringing guilt and shame along. I’d stay in white room for as long as I could trying to undo the damage by further restricting and telling myself how stupid I was for not having willpower. This would last for a bit, but I always went back.
These days I can say I honestly don’t do that anymore. But what I have noticed is that I still binge but on a lesser scale. For instance when I come home for lunch I’m usually ravenous! And usually, I don’t have a solid meal prepared. So as I’m trying to figure out what I want, I usually pick at so many different things while standing. Finally I make something and when I realize what I made is not something i wanted, I pick some more.
Previously I wasn’t calling that bingeing, but you know what?
It is . . .
I may not be eating AS MUCH as I used to back in those days, but no matter if it’s a rice cake or an ice cream cake, my mind is still on vacation.
I am choosing to eat unconsciously to help deal with the fact that I didn’t spend the time to figure out what I want and actually prepare it and sit down with it.
I am choosing to eat unconciously because I don’t feel like dealing with the stress I have from work no matter how big of little it may be. I would rather move right on to eating so that I don’t have to feel the uncomfortable feeling of stress.
The funny thing is, if I had just not eaten while preparing and let myself feel the stress, by the time I actually ate, it would have passed and I would have actually enjoyed my meal and been satisfied.
I would have chosen to take care of myself and walk away feeling great about that decision and great about me!
But I Don’t . . .
The good thing is, now when I do this, my binge vacations are not alone. My Inner Voice slips into my suitcase and just observes things as they happen.
Later, I ask what it saw and it tells me all of the above.
What defines a binge for you? What do you do to learn from your mistakes?
After work I decided to do a little baking. I was in the mood for something sweet, dense and carb-y. After perusing in my cabinets I found this recipe from Vegetarian Times magazine. They came out pretty good. Moist but cake like in the middle and VERY filling. Well, at least I assume they are filling . . . I’m sure if I didn’t eat more dough then actual baked cookie I’d know for sure š The one thing i would change about them is that there aren’t enough oats or chocolate chips throughout the finished product. I’ll be sure to load up for next time.
Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies
Yields about 4 dozen.
12 tbsp unsalted butter
3/4 cups creamy peanut butter
1 cup raw or granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups white flour
2/3 cups whole wheat flour
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
1 cup old fashioned or quick cooking oats
1 to 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
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1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. In food processor or mixing bowl, combine butter and peanut butter, and process, or beat together with wooden spoon, until well blended. Add sugars and process or stir until combined. Beat in eggs and add vanilla; blend well until smooth and creamy.
3. Combine flours, baking powder and salt. Add dry ingredients to wet and process, stopping to scrape down sides of bowl, or mix well with wooden spoon. Dough will be stiff. Stir in oats and chocolate chips.
4. Roll dough into balls about 11/2 inches in diameter and place about 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheets. Flatten dough.
5. Bake cookies for 10 to 12 minutes, until golden brown. Cool on baking racks.
