Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘intuitive eating

How awesome of me to leave on that last note and not post again ๐Ÿ˜‰

sorry . . .

Thanks for your comments.

I’m feeling a bit better now. I sat in silence thinking about what I was actually feeling and it boiled down to FRUSTRATION. I’m having all of these lightbulb moments and learning lessons and then get knocked down back to this point of limbo where I’m stuck in the middle of it all. A place where I know dieting does not work but yet all of the things happening now don’t WORK either.

Then that brings me to wonder what WORK is? Is there a defining moment where I can call myself ok? What turns my situation into a success story? Is it dropping excess weight? Is it loving yourself without lying? Is it being able to be your raw self no matter what?

I’m done whining though. I’m taking what is happening to me now as something I’m supposed to learn something from or go through.

I am moving on

This is the first time we took a vacation where we didn’t live at home. Now instead of just laundry to tend to, we got cleaning, mail, dishes unpaid bills and work. I think a perfect vacation is 2 weeks long. One week going somewhere and the next to relax and take a vacation from your vacation ๐Ÿ™‚

I do feel better after eating more foods that have life in them and drinking more water.I had a great run yesterday and am hoping to repeat one today. My goal for the totally undertrained first ever 5k race is to have fun and finish in 50 minutes or under.


I got TONS of laundry to tend to now.

๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Hi! I am Val from Balancing Val. ย 

Val asked me to guest post for her while shes on vacation, and since I think shes awesome . . . I jumped at the chance.

……kidding . . . aren’t I always lately ๐Ÿ™„

^ my favorite picture ever, I kept jumping in front of the camera while we were playing mini golf while Chris tried to take pictures. Cracks me up every time.

Anyway . . .

I wanted to jump in and take this spot since Sundays arent the greatest day for exposure and it wouldnt be fair to my guest posters.

I never even wrote my OWN responses to the questions I was asking!? and I figure I would take up an open spot ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

So, shortly and sweetly . . . here goes . . .ย 

What is something in your life that you are struggling with that’s holdingย you back from having balance in your healthy life?

Honestly, there are quite a few things holding me back. ย Id have to say the number one thing is LOVING AND ACCEPTING MYSELF THE WAY I AM .

Even thinking about the those two words ‘loving myself’ make me feel very uncomfortable, almost like Im not allowed to do such a thing or deserve to do such a thing.ย 

This is the reason I put myself last in everything. ย This is the reason I don’t go after what I truly want even if it may not be what someone else wants. This is the reason I dont take chances in life.

What have you learned so far and what are the steps are you taking toย overcome it?

I’m learning that just the mere fact of being alive is enough to deserve to put myself first. ย With the help of this community and intuitive eating, I am taking baby steps, having lightbulb moments and forcing myself to be uncomfortable so I can work out these deep rooted issues and be on my way to my happiest self.

Its a long journey and I know this, but a journey I have started ๐Ÿ™‚ A big thanks to all of you who follow me along no matter how random I may be!

PS . . . mine is way better than Chris’s attempt right? Come on . . . tell the truth ๐Ÿ˜‰

Alright, you are probably all mega sick of me talking about anything to have to do with vacation but . . . TOO BAD SUCKA!!

I kid . . .

I do want to talk about something though, something I struggle with besides The Vacation Fat Cycle. I struggle with . . .

Eating

I know nobody is shocked, but you see . . . I have ruined almost every roadtrip, weekend trip and full vacation trips with my eating habits. This is why I was so incredibly proud of myself for turning it all around when I went to Philadelphia recently.

On every vacation we have been both cursed and blessed with the amount and variety of free food we have available to us. Our cruises offered anything anytime, while in Disney we had the luxury of a FREE dining plan in which we had dessert with breakfast . . . everyday. This of course, doesnt include the fact that we also went during the annual food and wine festival which was amaaaazing.

The problem was that we would completley stuff ourselves silly at every meal, every time. We would eat when we werent hungry for the sake of being on vacation and we would drink a fair amount on top of that. The first few days our adrenaline and excitement pushed us along until that started to wear thin. We began feeling, tired, sluggy and as jiggly as the barely covered boobs we saw walking around.

We didnt have energy, we were cranky, we were constipated, we stopped trying new things, and stopped particpating in fun events. We enjoyed ourselves of course, but I always imagine how much BETTER things would be if we werent uncomfortably stuffing ourselves.

And so every year I start coming up with ridiculous plans to avoid that sluggy feeling. 5 heavy lifting workouts, a giant bowl of fruit before breakfast, a huge salad before dinner, no sweets after 8pm, no meat . . . you name it! Of course this sets me up for an immediate backfire which is even stronger compounded with all my other body image/weight issues. Oh, its so not worth it.

This time I have no strict orders for myself. Just one goal . . .

Feel light more often then not.

Yep, thats it. When I feed my body what it wants, when it wants the result is that I feel light and airy and full of energy. When I feel light, I crave movement and fun. And Im absolutley SURE of it that there will be some times next week when I dont feel light maybe because I wanted to try something new but wasnt hungry, or a time when I found something I couldnt get enough of and ate until I was uncomfortable. And thats fine. I wont feel guilt because my goal gives me the “jiggle” room to make mistakes in the name of fun.

If I can make this goal, I have no doubt that this will be one of the best vacations ever! ๐Ÿ™‚

Yesterday at work, after coming in at 7:15am I waited out until 8pm to get paid even though I could have left maybe 20 or 30 minutes earlier. I could have stopped in today to grab my check, but I didn’t.

Why? . . .

I had a schedule to stick to. Even though Caroline and my boss found this amusing . . . YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

I’m a little bummed that it was raining a good part of the morning where I scheduled in my run. It’s beautiful out now! Luckily there is time later to run if I’m not totally beat. I was able to sleep until about 8am which is LATE for this balancing broad.

Ok here we go . . . First things first coffee! It was the only thing I was craving this morning. Not hungry.


Dish Mountain CLEARED!

Then I tackled the errand I’m least looking forward to . . . Cleaning the bathroom! Ash, if your reading this . . . Get excited for home life ๐Ÿ˜‰
It may or may not have taken longer to take this picture then clean the actual bathroom.


At least my arm looks kinda jacked ๐Ÿ™‚

Ok showered and out into the real world . . .

It’s about time my eyebrows stopped looking like I could have been in a geico caveman commercial! WAXED!


Then focused on getting my CA$H MONEY situated at the bank. OH YEAH that’s the mother load! 5 twenties!


And of course, the most random groceries ever.
NOTHIING goes better with baby spinach and almond milk than 36 rolls of TP.


Dont knock it till you try it ๐Ÿ˜‰

After I went in a secret Xmas mission. I usually don’t do this so early, but there is a gift that I HAD to get while its on sale. Shhhhhh. . . .

Aaaandd . . . Of course the ad was a misprint and I left the store with nothing but grump face. FAIL!

I had to remedy the situation and I deserved to buy myself something.
Is it sick that this excites me? So many flavors!


Before stopping home, I NEEDED to eat. I was well aware that the only calories that passed my lips from 8am to 130pm were from the half and half in my coffee and a majorly under ripe banana that tasted like leaves.

I honestly didn’t find anything appealing in my house or had the time to make something, so I waited until i got exactly what I wanted. A steak salad in a crispy tortilla.


No pico left behind baby. Even though I was incredibly hungry, I couldn’t finish it all. I stowed away the rest for another time.

I contemplating cracking open a shiny new fall collection beer and doing the rest of the things that needed to be done at home in a fuzzy stupor, but instead I moved my haircut appointment from Thursday to today. I need Thursday open as much as possible to pack for vacation! CHOP!


I AM ON A ROLL!

Back at home now and about to crack open a beer finally. I still have to bag my smoothies (ill explain in another post)

Head to Chris’ moms house for dinner, reasearch some things online, write tomorrows post, and maybe squeeze in a run.

Feeling accomplished ๐Ÿ™‚

In exactly 5 days Chris and I will be boarding a plane for our much needed VACATION


Source

We are very lucky. This will be our 4th vacation since we started dating. Some people seem a bit resentful when we tell them we are going away, but I am done feeling guilty. This is what we CHOOSE to spend our money on . . . Not drinking, or smoking but vacations. We make them a priority and enjoy them a lot. This one however, may be the last one we go on in a long time as I will not know what kind of job shape I will be in next year after completing school next year. .

So, the pressure is on to have a great time . . .

Or is it?

I want to share with you The Cycle. The whirlwind of madness that instills in my brain and in my actions the very second we sign out with the travel agent.

Vacation is booked 3-4 months in advance. Excitement fills me but so does an impending fear. I look at myself and assure that i have enough time to lose weight so i can look great. Because I don’t deserve to go on vacation if I’m overweight. I come up with a strict plan and tell myself if i just struggle with this now, then i can relax on vacation in my new body. The first few weeks are ok. Then i start to fall off the wagon as the diet rush wares off. I start eating foods slowly that i have been restricting . . . I start bingeing on them and tell myself its ok because i still have time. I end up stressing myself out so much that i even gain a few pounds.

2-3 weeks are left. I begin to buy clothes that are slightly tight because I know that i will crack down more then ever and lose this damn weight. The week leading up to vacation is hectic . . . planning, packing, stressing . . . the excitement and anxiety is quelled by bingeing boughts and constant meals out. I weigh in the day before the vacation . . . i weigh 5-7lbs more then i started and my tight clothes are even tighter

This unfortunatley sets the tone for my whole vacation. I am excited but still disapointed in myself for failing. I eat with reckless abandon because not only am i on vacation, but i dont trust myself anyway so who cares. Every night i try on 10 different outfits to find the perfect one that hides that pooch, or one that doesnt make my arms look as fat . . . I cry in the mirror, Chris consoles me and tells me i look great anyway. I go on to have fun even though i feel awful on the inside. I spend the plane ride home dreaming about how i will look on the next vacation, and about how next time i will look and feel confident enough to do karaoke, to volunteer in fun contests, to dance, to lay on the beach . . . to live like i deserve it.

Around the time we booked this vacation, was around the time I discovered Intuitive Eating. To be honest, my first thought was OK great! This is exactly what I need to lose weight before we go.

Then I read further and found that it was obviously not a quick fix and I got scared that I wasn’t going to lose weight. Then, reading even further the book helped me realize . . .

If I’m happy with myself then it doesn’t MATTER what my weight is.

Easier said than done . . . I KNOW!

In fact, i’m still working in becoming happy with myself as is but I can say that I have made HUGE strides in breaking that cycle.

I bought clothes that FIT me!

I did NOT diet at any point since booking!

I have NOT weighed myself in close to 3 months!

I am MUCH less hard on myself!

I am MUCH more happy in general!

I think this time is different. This time I will be celebrating RIGHT NOW instead of pitying myself in hopes of a better future me.

It’s about time ๐Ÿ˜‰

Have you ever experienced this before and on a Vacation?


Yep that’s true. I overate.

Let me rephrase that . . . Yesterday, I MINDFULLY overate. To be fair, I didn’t exactly set myself up for success from the beginning.

I was cramping pretty bad before work. When that happens, my appetite drains out like a sieve. So, all I brought to work was my spinach protein smoothie and nothing else. I immediately regretted that decision as my pain went away and my hunger started raging.

Caroline took me to lunch about 6 hours later. I had a Monte cristo wrap with fries and a cup of cream of potato soup. I didn’t eat all of it, but I definitely was bordering a 7 on the hunger scale by the end.

We went to Target before we had to be back at work, and we picked up some Halloween candy for our stash. Our stash included these babies . . .

Yes, PUMPKIN SPICE hershey kisses. They speak for themselves ๐Ÿ˜‰

I spent the rest of the work day eating sugary candy. Each time I took some, I was absolutely conscious that I wasn’t physically hungry for it.

So, what was the result? . . . .

Obviously, I felt like shit. I had a headache, felt sluggish, and just had an overall sense of heaviness that I haven’t had in a couple weeks. I wasn’t a fan.

I’ll tell you what I didn’t feel though . . . .

GUILTY

I honestly didn’t. I ate out of pure boredom and I ate for taste. But I am learning that it’s ok!

It’s not the end of the world if I overeat. Overeating every once in a while is not a problem. In fact, its perfectly acceptable . . . . Really!

A problem arises when:

A: you overeat without being present (aka bingeing)
B: you overeat HABITUALLY

I always knew this, but sometimes it takes a while for something to resonate enough with me to embark changing my belief patterns. When I gave up dieting in favor of intuitive eating, I still held myself in a diet frame. Yes, eating intuitively 24/7 generally means you wouldn’t overeat anymore ever. So, when I called myself an intuitive eater and overate . . . I felt like a failure once again. It was easier to blame the process then myself.

The difference is that NOW I am conscious of the effects of overeating, especially sugar, and I don’t enjoy it whatsoever. I’d rather have more days of feeling energized then not. It’s worth it to me now.

I know that everything I am learning is serving as a non linear guideline. A guideline that gives me structure . . . but allows me to fill in my own rules based on what works for ME.

I realized that I tried to be a perfect intuitive eater this whole time. My diet mentality still found it’s way to wrap itself around a concept built so far away from dieting.

But you know what? . . . .

I now believe there is NO such thing as a perfect intuitive eater. More importantly, I also now truly believe that this is ‘perfectly’ ok.

How do you feel when you overeat?

Alrighty, it is time for installment #2 of my Intuitive Eating Series . If you didn’t see my first attempt at recording a full day of intuitive eating, click HERE. I will be posting my meals and feelings throughout the day as raw as they can be. It will be an ongoing post, so if you happen to read it mid day, it will look like I just stopped. Check back later for the rest ๐Ÿ˜‰

This is a good day to do this, because today is a very unusual day. I have the day off for one thing, but I am also stranded in my apartment! My car is in the shop and I have no way out until 4pm unless my mom comes and picks me up. I’m really trying not to make that happen since there is plenty of cleaning and relaxing to do here, but I will go with the flow. It should be interesting to see how boredom or busy plays a role in what passes my lips.

Here We Go! . . . .

@6:47 I finally woke up. It was the first time I hadn’t set an alarm on a weekday and I only slept 47min later. Upon waking I am NOT hungry. I feel a fullness in the back of my throat, and my stomach feels kind of anxious. I COULD eat, but I’m sitting on the couch waiting to figure out what I really want. I’m going to make myself some coffee since I haven’t had it in over a week!! Sitting on the couch relaxing makes me crave a hot drink.

@7:47 So, I just looked in the fridge and we are out of the small container of half and half I keep just for coffee. I debated whether to put almond milk in it, but I don’t enjoy the bitterness it gives my coffee, plus that made me think of how much sugar I would have to put in it. Back to the couch to figure out what to eat, stomach is feeling empty now. Hmph.

If you don’t like it . . . Don’t eat it!

@8:42 I did the ark full of dishes while deciding what to eat. Scrambled eggs and toast came was it! As soon as I figured out what I wanted, I contemplated stopping the dishes midway and eating some sugar cookies I made last night instead. Why? I knew there was WORK involved in actually making breakfast and cookies were just so easy and right there. I didn’t act on it, but it was interesting to observe that thought. I ended up having 2 scrambled eggs, a toasted sandwich thin with butter and half a sugar cookie. I took pictures but I accidentally deleted them.

A word though . . . I dislike Arnold’s Sandwich Thins . . . A lot. I see them on a lot of healthy living blogs and I don’t know why? They tastes like fake sweet yeast and it’s just a smushed piece of bread! Is it the portion size that has the appeal? Because I’m sure it’s not the laundry list of chemical ingredients! I made the mistake of buying them in BULK and still have a whole package left. Never again.

I’m back on the couch thinking of all the things that could be done but I don’t actually want to do. At least just now. I’m going to try and relax and see what comes to mind.

Ill be honest, I really want that other half of sugar cookie . . . . Well at least my mind does. It’s telling me how soft it still is, and how stupid it looks by itself in the container EAT ME!!

. . . NOPE not now.

@9:30 Shop called to tell me repairs are going to be over $300. I started to panic even though I know it’s my fault for neglecting things for so long. I know it’s for the better, money is just a VERY sore issue with me right now. Chris tried to cheer me up on the phone but I told him I just needed time to be pissed off. I’m getting phantom hunger too. One of those ‘eating to bridge the gap’ hungers where I just want to eat so I have something easier to be pissed off about. I’m going to lay down instead.

@12:32 Woke up from an ~2 hour nap with news of a tornado warning! Feeling better about the car but I physically feel like garbage! I haven’t had a nap so deep and so close to waking up I’m so long. I’m hoping I really needed the rest instead of escape. Arg. Now I’m HUNGRY. There’s not much in my house and I can’t shop without a car. Consulting stomach . . .

@1:12 I finally decided to defrost the Lazy Yellow Vegetable Curry. I added a potato and cooked up some angel hair. It was apparent that I waited too long before eating because I found myself picking while waiting for the components to cook AND wishing I chose a faster option.

When I finally got to eat, I ate so damn fast that I had to remind myself to check in. I wasn’t hungry anymore but I didn’t have THAT much left. I decided to put the rest away. Previously, if I wasn’t on break from work, or if I hadn’t been doing this today, I would have eaten the rest of it no question. I’m glad I didn’t because I actually feel like at a 6 on the hunger scale, and I know that if I get hungry for it, I can just have it later.

Sometimes a good dose of hyperconsciousness is good!

Now I’m debating what I want to tackle first, bills or cleaning. Both suck . .
Royally. Oh, and I just tackled the other half of that sugar cookie.

.
@7:02 I was able to figure out a puzzle that is our finances and then Chris came home. I was definitely hungry at that point but I waited since the chances of us going out somewhere were very high.

We ended up going to our favorite food spot FINS. It was aloha hour so We both got the chicken Caesar wrap with a drink for $5!

They also had a pumpkin pie smoothie and I could not pass that up! I think I wanted the IDEA of it more then being hungry for it. I ate a good amount of it but passed the rest to Chris. It was pretty good, but I wouldn’t get it again. I could recreate it for a lot less money.

I didn’t overeat, but I came close. Again it was because I waited too long to eat. We went food shopping after and I was able to get ingredients for my green smoothies as well as ingredients to make some home made Lara bars.

I’m thinking I may have a beer before bed too.

Overall, I’m pretty happy how I handled today as far as eating. Doing this has made me realize how I still have to hone in and pay attention most times while eating. I also got to see how much my mind played a role in wanting foods that my body didn’t want.

I didnt get as much done today as I would have liked, but maybe I needed the rest. My poor car is in the shop over nite but I’m glad it’s finally getting the care it deserves ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hope you all had a good day!



  • None
  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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