Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘food

Alright, you are probably all mega sick of me talking about anything to have to do with vacation but . . . TOO BAD SUCKA!!

I kid . . .

I do want to talk about something though, something I struggle with besides The Vacation Fat Cycle. I struggle with . . .

Eating

I know nobody is shocked, but you see . . . I have ruined almost every roadtrip, weekend trip and full vacation trips with my eating habits. This is why I was so incredibly proud of myself for turning it all around when I went to Philadelphia recently.

On every vacation we have been both cursed and blessed with the amount and variety of free food we have available to us. Our cruises offered anything anytime, while in Disney we had the luxury of a FREE dining plan in which we had dessert with breakfast . . . everyday. This of course, doesnt include the fact that we also went during the annual food and wine festival which was amaaaazing.

The problem was that we would completley stuff ourselves silly at every meal, every time. We would eat when we werent hungry for the sake of being on vacation and we would drink a fair amount on top of that. The first few days our adrenaline and excitement pushed us along until that started to wear thin. We began feeling, tired, sluggy and as jiggly as the barely covered boobs we saw walking around.

We didnt have energy, we were cranky, we were constipated, we stopped trying new things, and stopped particpating in fun events. We enjoyed ourselves of course, but I always imagine how much BETTER things would be if we werent uncomfortably stuffing ourselves.

And so every year I start coming up with ridiculous plans to avoid that sluggy feeling. 5 heavy lifting workouts, a giant bowl of fruit before breakfast, a huge salad before dinner, no sweets after 8pm, no meat . . . you name it! Of course this sets me up for an immediate backfire which is even stronger compounded with all my other body image/weight issues. Oh, its so not worth it.

This time I have no strict orders for myself. Just one goal . . .

Feel light more often then not.

Yep, thats it. When I feed my body what it wants, when it wants the result is that I feel light and airy and full of energy. When I feel light, I crave movement and fun. And Im absolutley SURE of it that there will be some times next week when I dont feel light maybe because I wanted to try something new but wasnt hungry, or a time when I found something I couldnt get enough of and ate until I was uncomfortable. And thats fine. I wont feel guilt because my goal gives me the “jiggle” room to make mistakes in the name of fun.

If I can make this goal, I have no doubt that this will be one of the best vacations ever! šŸ™‚

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Well, after half applying to school, I rushed to get the other half in the mail. And though I haven’t received anything back yet. I sent some nosy emails to admissions and found out . . .

I’ve been accepted to Natural Gourmet Institute!

Of course, this is assuming that everything goes peachy with the student loan. The good thing is, not only did I get accepted, I was lucky enough to somehow slip into the Fall part time semester of this year!! I for sure thought I wouldn’t make it.

There are SO many things running through my head right now . . . More on that later in the week.

Chris and I decided to go to LongHorn Steakhouse for an impromptu celebration dinner.


They were having a special for $29.99 which gets you an entree, salad and either a dessert or appetizer to split. We went with the appetizer. They only had 3 choices so we decided on the Texas Tonion.


I had the AWESOME Sam Adams Octoberfest beer. I’m falling in love with Sam Adams . . . Chris said I’m lucky he’s dead šŸ˜‰


The entrees weren’t impressive. I ordered a filet crusted with fontina cheese. I will never order a steak crusted with cheese again. The fontina cheese was just so bitter and totally clashed with the steak. I scraped it right off!


I had a great time though. One of my favorite things to do is go out to eat with Chris. We always have a great conversation and were always giddy about the prospect of food.

By the time the entrees came, we were actually stuffed! We each took half our steak and potato home with the intention of making steak quesadillas tonight, but he went golfing so I made a salad instead.


I’d just like to mention that I took that picture BEFORE I put the rest of my chopped up baked potato in there. Laugh all you want. It had substance! šŸ™‚

Id like to say that I am proud of myself for not bingeing on food for a little over two months.

. . . Then it occurred to me that I still may be bingeing and not realizing it.

When I was training for ‘bodybuilding’ I was on a very strict calorie limit. I was denying myself not only calories, but whole food groups! Because I didn’t truly and honestly want to be in a bodybuilding competition for me and me only, you could imagine how hard I rebelled against the whole diet process.

It’s started out with a taste of peanut butter WHILE I was preparing something bland to eat. Then I took some more. I made the food I was supposed to make but I realized that I went a little bit over my peanut butter allotment for the day with the tastes.

And then, it was as if the skies opened up. I was standing in the doorway of white and sprinted past the grey into the black door. More peanut butter was consumed. Then I’d probably make toast with butter because I love bread and couldn’t have any. I opened the same fridge that I opened literally minutes before but this time all of the food was labeled ‘vacation’ instead of ‘restriction’. Id continue to eat. It was labeled this because I continued on until I was stuffed beyond belief . . . And then I woke up as if my mind was on a vacation for a whole 10min.

I’d sprint past the grey again, this time bringing guilt and shame along. I’d stay in white room for as long as I could trying to undo the damage by further restricting and telling myself how stupid I was for not having willpower. This would last for a bit, but I always went back.

These days I can say I honestly don’t do that anymore. But what I have noticed is that I still binge but on a lesser scale. For instance when I come home for lunch I’m usually ravenous! And usually, I don’t have a solid meal prepared. So as I’m trying to figure out what I want, I usually pick at so many different things while standing. Finally I make something and when I realize what I made is not something i wanted, I pick some more.

Previously I wasn’t calling that bingeing, but you know what?

It is . . .

I may not be eating AS MUCH as I used to back in those days, but no matter if it’s a rice cake or an ice cream cake, my mind is still on vacation.

I am choosing to eat unconsciously to help deal with the fact that I didn’t spend the time to figure out what I want and actually prepare it and sit down with it.

I am choosing to eat unconciously because I don’t feel like dealing with the stress I have from work no matter how big of little it may be. I would rather move right on to eating so that I don’t have to feel the uncomfortable feeling of stress.

The funny thing is, if I had just not eaten while preparing and let myself feel the stress, by the time I actually ate, it would have passed and I would have actually enjoyed my meal and been satisfied.

I would have chosen to take care of myself and walk away feeling great about that decision and great about me!

But I Don’t . . .

The good thing is, now when I do this, my binge vacations are not alone. My Inner Voice slips into my suitcase and just observes things as they happen.

Later, I ask what it saw and it tells me all of the above.

What defines a binge for you? What do you do to learn from your mistakes?

Would you believe I conquered all my mountains ?Me either . . . šŸ˜‰

We contemplated going to dinner for a while but we decided it’s a much smarter decision for me to make something after finally going food shopping. We spent more then we would have liked and I’m kind of upset I didn’t stick to my list and research more, but live and learn.

For dinner I was craving a hearty Mexican type meal. I know what I ended up with is similar to an enchilada, but I’m not calling it that because Im not sure what exactly is in enchiladas. My goal was to roll up beans in tortillas with Mexican flavors and bake with cheese on top. That’s pretty much exactly what I did.

Here’s what I had to work with.


I mixed up the beans with some salsa and some taco seasoning.


Then put a heap of the mixture in a wrap, and rolled it up.


I squeezed 4 roll-ups into a baking dish and topped with more salsa, cheddar cheese and more taco seasoning. Baked for 25min @ 350.


Served it with some veggies on the side and called it a night. These we’re very filling and seasoned pretty good. No meat needed. Not bad for just throwing some things together šŸ™‚

Man, oh man. This has been a CRAZY 2 days for me. I basically worked for 2 days straight with 2 crappy sleeps in between, no time or money for food shopping, and have had 2 stressful issues to deal with.

Luckily I’m down to only one stress now and won’t have to deal with it again hopefully ever, but I’m incredibly thankful to have a supportive boyfriend and friend that will go out to lunch with me and listen to me complain and tell me I’ll be fine šŸ™‚


It is a gorgeous day out! I love fall, I really do. I luckily have the rest of the afternoon off before I go back for another full day tomorrow, but I have some things to conquer such as . . .

A mountain of ironing . . .



An mountain of dishes . . .


And I must CREATE a mountain of food in our sad wiped out refrigerator . . .


Eww, I didn’t realize it was so dirty too.

Anyway, hopefully ill conquer my mission, but maybe ill do something else instead, like go out to dinner šŸ™‚

Im feeling much better and I have a lot of exciting things I’m doing and thoughts I want to share this fall and that makes me so happy.

Do you ever rebel against your own to-do list like me?

When the world of intuitive eating unfolded for me, I was very excited and scared. I was excited because I knew it was possible, but scared because I didn’t know how. I turned to the blogs where real people were sharing their experiences good and bad and that helped a lot. Especially Honor My Health and Health for the Whole Self

Sometimes, I get on such a roll with listening to my inner wisdom and I am soaring through the day so positively. Other days I am distracted by other things and I am not following the guidelines as closely as I could (but, I am conscious about it). One of the things that I wanted to try and do was document a whole day of intuitive eating. This includes my moods, feelings, hunger scale, what I ate ect. I want to not only do it on a ‘normal’ day, but also days where I am at work, or days that I will be out for most of it, or days where I sit home all day. No day is the same, so I know the way I eat won’t be. Now I am still figuring out how I am going to lay this out. My guess is that I will be posting my day in 3rds or more just to kind of tune into my feelings more at that time. Other times, I won’t be able to get to posting as soon as I feel something, but i will be sure to keep a pen and pad with me to make sure I get it up here the way its meant to be.

I hope to start this today so stay tuned and let me know if you have any ideas or things you would like me to document in the process!

On the way home from a bunch of errands, I had a profound moment in the car after I left the farmers market with $13.42 worth of vegetables. I thought about all of the things I could come up with using what I had. A bunch of options came to me and there it was . . . I was EXCITED.

For the last few years I have only focused on losing weight and being healthy. My whole life in one way or another was connected to why I wasn’t where my mind thought I should be(mostly the way i looked). If i could fix this one problem, I would be perfect and so everything I did on my spare time, and every thought I had the energy for HAD to go towards fixing myself. The funny thing is, all this time, obsessing, and energy I spent hoping to come out ‘healthy’ on the other side was actually unhealthy! This re-enforced one of my health mantras from long ago . . .

‘just because you are doing healthy things, it does not mean you are healthy’

I learned this lesson a while ago while in one of my deeper quests for this ‘perfection’ but I didn’t actually start BELIEVING it until recently. To me, this statement means that to achieve health, you must attempt balance in each aspect of the mind body and soul. You can not focus just on one and not the other you must explore and find a balance of all. I don’t think there is ever a point where I will be able to tell myself . . ‘yep! your balanced now . . congrats!’ because life is one big j roller coaster journey with ups and downs a plenty.

I’m straying from my story though šŸ˜³

Anyway, a lot of books I read brought up the point that people with a weight/diet obsession often are scared of losing it. They are scared because they really wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they were ok, or not broken. It occurred to me in the car that I honestly hadnt been living my life acting like i was broken. Sure, i have my moments, but i learn from them now. Today, I was really doing what I wanted to do without any hidden wannabe healthy person agenda behind it. I wasn’t buying vegetables because I had to get certain things for my latest diet attempt. I genuinely wanted to use my spare time and energy to cook food!

It may seem strange, but this is so comforting to me. This really makes me feel like I am in control. I actually feel good about the direction I am going.

Thank you $13.42 worth of vegetables . . . šŸ™‚



  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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