Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘Fear

Happy One Month Birthday Blog!


(Jills birthday cake made by Marie. . . Used for good measure)

I know this isn’t a huge milestone in blog land, but for me it is. I actually went a whole month successfully posting unlike my last 2 blogs and I feel really good about this one. This month I . . .

Put Myself Out There. I became a face of beauty and showed my struggles on how I selected the picture that made it.

Learned About Fear. and how in most cases fear is worse then the problem you face.

Fought Against An Avalanche Of Negativity. I was able to stop a series of negative actions that drowned my thoughts just from looking at one unflattering picture.

Talked To Myself. I got to really speak to the wise inner voice inside of me that was previously silenced by an obsession of diet and exercise.

Began MY Future I got acceptance to the school I have been wanting to go to and will be starting this fall!

Fit In! yes, I may not fit the norm, but damnit I fit in here in my own special way!

I’m constantly learning new things and loving that I have a place to share my thoughts. I’m even more lucky that I have other people read my thoughts and share thoughtful comments. All of you rock!

I love the support and look forward to many more memories as my life begins to change for the better šŸ™‚

I’m off for a wild ride with Ashley tonight. Stay tuned for the madness šŸ˜‰

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I’m sure you have all heard this quote plenty of times before, but does it really resonate with you?

To be honest, I never really thought about it much. In fact, the only time I thought about it was when I heard it in this song which is awesome, but not the point.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about fear and emotion. What I have learned are 2 things:

– fear holds you back from SO much, whether it be singing karaoke, acing a test, going on a scary roller coaster, getting accepted into a school, and more importantly it holds you back from being your true self.

– the fear which can also be described by worry or anxiety is more often then not worse then the feeling you are anticipating

Honestly, how many things have you been worried about that turned out to be not as bad as you thought in the end? How many times have you said to yourself “damn, all that worry for nothing”. In fear we are unable to make rational decisions. We protect ourselves from feeling emotions. We become someone we are not and this alone finds it’s way through every aspect of your life.

Of course, the other side of the coin is that negative things do happen, and sometimes things really are worse then you could have imagined. What do we do in these situations? The best thing to do is feel those emotions. Feel the pain, the hurt and take a look inside yourself and express what these feelings mean to you. The amazing thing about being human is that we all have the capability to move on. We can deal with emotions, heal and let them go. Yes, after you fully experience them you can LET THEM GO. You can let yourself go back to a place where you know that no matter what happens to you, you will be ok because deep down, you always were.

This may seem hard to grasp and I understand. I am just learning how to deal with my fear and it’s not always easy.

I write this because one of my biggest fears was to be judged by anyone. Whether it is peers, family, friends or even strangers I just never really wanted to let anyone see the real me. My confidence and self- esteem issues make me believe that I am broken and could easily be judged. The fear and anxiety I feel, the work that put in to make sure nobody can truly get to my core and see “me” is exhausting and makes me feel even more broken.

But what if I am judged? What if people talk about me? What if they dont like the way I look or think the choices I make in my life aren’t the best? Well . . . .

SO WHAT!

I have heard people talk about me and judge me and I am still here, I am still breathing. I am ok, I am not broken . . .

The fear of judgement is far worse then the judgement itself.

I am going to try my best to put my life out on this blog without any regrets. Every other blog that I have started was about me trying to teach something rather then live something. This blog will end up pretty random. Sometimes, I do have something to teach, and sometimes I will need to be taught. Some days will be boring, some days will be overwhelming. Such is the nature of life. I hope you will continue following along.



  • None
  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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