Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘energy

I’m pretty sure I was some how able to convince myself that I’m NOT addicted to sugar. When I ate it it wasn’t in huge amounts and I had a good amount of control over it.

I think the convincing came from my restricting days when I was trying to tell myself things were ok when they weren’t. Trying to convince myself that 2 workouts a day 6 days a week was normal. Trying to convince myself I wasn’t a failure for not eating something CLEAN.

Somehow, here and NOW I have ended up . . .

Addicted To Sugar! šŸ˜ˆ

Ok, admittedly I don’t do that . . . often

I’ve been trying to trace it back to my roots and I remembered some interesting stuff while digging around. Sugary snacks and desserts were ALWAYS available in my house. I never remember a dinner where we didn’t have anything sweet afterward.

“Finish your food, or no dessert!”

I always made sure I finished everything so I got to have it, no matter what it was. It got to be such a habit, that I would do the same thing with lunch. If I didn’t WANT lunch but was craving something sweet, I’d make sure I’d eat something just so I would have an excuse as to why I was ‘allowed’ to have a snack. But then as I got older, I started using dessert as a reward for other things like getting through a day of school (hellllloooooop gushers), being sad, being excited, getting a good grade. It’s clear now that it’s ingrained in my head that sugar equals reward.

Even now, I find myself wanting something sweet after every meal. It’s almost as if it’s innate now. I’ll eat lunch and have a small bowl of cereal. Or ill make sure there is some sort of cookie or something ready for after dinner. I pour agave on oats or in coffee. I’ll open the fridge looking for something sweet as soon as I get out of work just because.

I don’t blame my parents at all. They were just trying the best they could to make sure we got all of our veggies and normal food in. It’s what their parents did. Plus, they wanted to make us happy and that’s what worked.

So how does adult Val feel now?

Scared.

I’m honestly scared now. I’ve only ever given up sugar completely once in my life at the beginning of this year when I was doing a 2 week cleanse where all I ate was fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds. For the first 3 days, I was a completely different person. Groggy, foggy, depressed, zero energy, horrid headache. It was a HUGE wake up call, or so I thought. After those days passed and my body got used to running on foods with actual life in them, and I felt AWESOME! Tons of energy, focus and i slept great too. But after the cleanse I resorted back to my old eating habits because I didn’t feel a good enough reason to keep going. I guess it wasn’t a big enough wake up call?

Here’s the point plain and simple. Sugar makes me feel awesome for a tiny bit of time, then it makes me feel like garbage for way longer. I am not the best I can be when I eat sugar like this. Sugar makes me want more sugar. Sugar eaten in this way screws with my goal to eat intuitively.

An unhealthy body wants to keep an an unhealthy body.

A healthy body wants to keep a healthy body.

I’ve picked my poison, and it’s the sweet stuff.

I had another wake up call yesterday. I didn’t eat much in the morning or really the day before that. I started to feel like sugar withdrawal Val that was explained above. I reached in the drawer at work for a half packet of coconut m&ms and I instantly felt better. One hour later, every life sucking symptom was creeping back in.

I flashed to a vision of future self Val scarfing down a sugar loaded cupcake on the streets of NYC trying to get some energy and at the same time trying to reward herself before school. I saw her completely crash during class and not give her all. I saw opportunities missed. THIS was a wake up call.

I don’t want to be addicted to sugar. For once in my life, its more important for me to feel good steadily then feel good for 15min and CRASH and be desperately needing more to function.

I know sugar has its time and place, but it’s time to take a REAL stand against it. My health and my future is more important. For now on I am going to stop being so sloppy with sugar and stop thinking I’m fine and that I can handle it. I’m going to ask for help from my body in telling me what it really wants here even though it may be clouded from years of sugar-washing.

It’s good to finally have a reason.

If you struggle with this too, you may want to check out the FREE teleconference led by Christie about sugar and its place in intuitive eating on Thursday 9/30/10 @ 7pm. She has limited spots available and I took one of them so CLICK HERE and go sign up now!

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This morning I woke up at 5am after a night of tossing and turning due to raging heartburn, and the fact that still . . . It was too hot and dry in our room.I told myself just to get up and go run anyway because I will feel better after. As my mom drove us to the beach, I contemplated sleeping in the car while she worked out.

So, I walked the first 15min like usual without music. Then when it came to the time I usually run, I turned on the music and it just seemed too noisy. So I walked and walked until I was a little more then half way thorough and tried again.

I lasted a hot 10 seconds . . .

Now, I was getting angry. I skipped a little bit of what I usually do and focused on getting back to the car. I started feeling just heavy, gross and noticed my new bloat I was sporting jiggled with every step.

My mom stopped to talk to a fisherman that she knows in the distance and I stopped far enough away from them waiting for her to come back so I could grab her keys. She stayed there for a good 5min and waved me over to come meet him. I obviously was in no mood so I threw my arms in the air and she came back and I snapped at her telling her I didn’t want to talk to anybody.

Now I’m sitting in the car waiting for her to finish and you know what?

I DONT feel better after exercising today.

I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself for walking. And I know a biting reason why I didn’t have the energy was because of all the processed food and sugar I ate all weekend, but I thought I was supposed to feel better. Isn’t that the rule?

*sigh*

At home I have a mountain of laundry to tackle and I have to head in for a stressful afternoon at work. I hope I cam turn this fowl mood around by then. šŸ˜¦

We have all heard that we should exercise even if we don’t feel like it because no matter what we will feel better. Has that ever not been true for you too?



  • None
  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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