Balancing Val

Posts Tagged ‘acceptance

How awesome of me to leave on that last note and not post again ๐Ÿ˜‰

sorry . . .

Thanks for your comments.

I’m feeling a bit better now. I sat in silence thinking about what I was actually feeling and it boiled down to FRUSTRATION. I’m having all of these lightbulb moments and learning lessons and then get knocked down back to this point of limbo where I’m stuck in the middle of it all. A place where I know dieting does not work but yet all of the things happening now don’t WORK either.

Then that brings me to wonder what WORK is? Is there a defining moment where I can call myself ok? What turns my situation into a success story? Is it dropping excess weight? Is it loving yourself without lying? Is it being able to be your raw self no matter what?

I’m done whining though. I’m taking what is happening to me now as something I’m supposed to learn something from or go through.

I am moving on

This is the first time we took a vacation where we didn’t live at home. Now instead of just laundry to tend to, we got cleaning, mail, dishes unpaid bills and work. I think a perfect vacation is 2 weeks long. One week going somewhere and the next to relax and take a vacation from your vacation ๐Ÿ™‚

I do feel better after eating more foods that have life in them and drinking more water.I had a great run yesterday and am hoping to repeat one today. My goal for the totally undertrained first ever 5k race is to have fun and finish in 50 minutes or under.


I got TONS of laundry to tend to now.

๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Hi! I am Val from Balancing Val. ย 

Val asked me to guest post for her while shes on vacation, and since I think shes awesome . . . I jumped at the chance.

……kidding . . . aren’t I always lately ๐Ÿ™„

^ my favorite picture ever, I kept jumping in front of the camera while we were playing mini golf while Chris tried to take pictures. Cracks me up every time.

Anyway . . .

I wanted to jump in and take this spot since Sundays arent the greatest day for exposure and it wouldnt be fair to my guest posters.

I never even wrote my OWN responses to the questions I was asking!? and I figure I would take up an open spot ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

So, shortly and sweetly . . . here goes . . .ย 

What is something in your life that you are struggling with that’s holdingย you back from having balance in your healthy life?

Honestly, there are quite a few things holding me back. ย Id have to say the number one thing is LOVING AND ACCEPTING MYSELF THE WAY I AM .

Even thinking about the those two words ‘loving myself’ make me feel very uncomfortable, almost like Im not allowed to do such a thing or deserve to do such a thing.ย 

This is the reason I put myself last in everything. ย This is the reason I don’t go after what I truly want even if it may not be what someone else wants. This is the reason I dont take chances in life.

What have you learned so far and what are the steps are you taking toย overcome it?

I’m learning that just the mere fact of being alive is enough to deserve to put myself first. ย With the help of this community and intuitive eating, I am taking baby steps, having lightbulb moments and forcing myself to be uncomfortable so I can work out these deep rooted issues and be on my way to my happiest self.

Its a long journey and I know this, but a journey I have started ๐Ÿ™‚ A big thanks to all of you who follow me along no matter how random I may be!

PS . . . mine is way better than Chris’s attempt right? Come on . . . tell the truth ๐Ÿ˜‰

In exactly 5 days Chris and I will be boarding a plane for our much needed VACATION


Source

We are very lucky. This will be our 4th vacation since we started dating. Some people seem a bit resentful when we tell them we are going away, but I am done feeling guilty. This is what we CHOOSE to spend our money on . . . Not drinking, or smoking but vacations. We make them a priority and enjoy them a lot. This one however, may be the last one we go on in a long time as I will not know what kind of job shape I will be in next year after completing school next year. .

So, the pressure is on to have a great time . . .

Or is it?

I want to share with you The Cycle. The whirlwind of madness that instills in my brain and in my actions the very second we sign out with the travel agent.

Vacation is booked 3-4 months in advance. Excitement fills me but so does an impending fear. I look at myself and assure that i have enough time to lose weight so i can look great. Because I don’t deserve to go on vacation if I’m overweight. I come up with a strict plan and tell myself if i just struggle with this now, then i can relax on vacation in my new body. The first few weeks are ok. Then i start to fall off the wagon as the diet rush wares off. I start eating foods slowly that i have been restricting . . . I start bingeing on them and tell myself its ok because i still have time. I end up stressing myself out so much that i even gain a few pounds.

2-3 weeks are left. I begin to buy clothes that are slightly tight because I know that i will crack down more then ever and lose this damn weight. The week leading up to vacation is hectic . . . planning, packing, stressing . . . the excitement and anxiety is quelled by bingeing boughts and constant meals out. I weigh in the day before the vacation . . . i weigh 5-7lbs more then i started and my tight clothes are even tighter

This unfortunatley sets the tone for my whole vacation. I am excited but still disapointed in myself for failing. I eat with reckless abandon because not only am i on vacation, but i dont trust myself anyway so who cares. Every night i try on 10 different outfits to find the perfect one that hides that pooch, or one that doesnt make my arms look as fat . . . I cry in the mirror, Chris consoles me and tells me i look great anyway. I go on to have fun even though i feel awful on the inside. I spend the plane ride home dreaming about how i will look on the next vacation, and about how next time i will look and feel confident enough to do karaoke, to volunteer in fun contests, to dance, to lay on the beach . . . to live like i deserve it.

Around the time we booked this vacation, was around the time I discovered Intuitive Eating. To be honest, my first thought was OK great! This is exactly what I need to lose weight before we go.

Then I read further and found that it was obviously not a quick fix and I got scared that I wasn’t going to lose weight. Then, reading even further the book helped me realize . . .

If I’m happy with myself then it doesn’t MATTER what my weight is.

Easier said than done . . . I KNOW!

In fact, i’m still working in becoming happy with myself as is but I can say that I have made HUGE strides in breaking that cycle.

I bought clothes that FIT me!

I did NOT diet at any point since booking!

I have NOT weighed myself in close to 3 months!

I am MUCH less hard on myself!

I am MUCH more happy in general!

I think this time is different. This time I will be celebrating RIGHT NOW instead of pitying myself in hopes of a better future me.

It’s about time ๐Ÿ˜‰

Have you ever experienced this before and on a Vacation?


Yesterday I rode the emotional roller coaster of life with some steep ups and downs. I sobbed at the end of the night and really let myself feel what I was feeling. Digging through beliefs emotions and then having to deal with them is no doubt uncomfortable but I’m feeling much better ๐Ÿ™‚

Through all of that, something also happened yesterday that I DIDNT realize. Something that would usually have sent me on that same roller coaster upside down and backwards on a full stomach!

Earlier in the morning, Chris and I went shopping so I can get a bathing suit for our upcoming vacation. I tried on a bunch of things, some fit, some didn’t, some looked ridiculous because they weren’t ‘me’. I ended up buying a new bathing suit, board shorts and one of those sleeveless sundress things. What I bought . . . I loved, I was comfortable and they were flattering.


So I went home to pull the tags off of them and discovered . . . .

They Were All XL!


Fully expecting to have a pity party panic attack, I looked up and realized . . .

I DONT GIVE A CRAP!

Really!! I didn’t! This is what I chose because I liked the way they looked and the way they fit. The size was an AFTERTHOUGHT! This hasn’t happened in years!

I don’t consider myself fat, I really don’t. But my body does not fit comfortably in any other size. I have large muscular legs, I have a bubble butt and broad shoulders, bigger hips and a small waist. I can’t pretend that I’m a medium, or that I can possibly wear arm spanx to fit into a small. THIS IS WHAT FITS ME RIGHT NOW.

For once in my life, I didn’t let the size on my clothes define me as a failure, or someone with no will power, or someone who doesn’t deserve to wear a bathing suit. Maybe one day that size will change, but right now it is what it is. It’s liberating to know that I will be happy instead of shameful of the letter on my clothing that no one will ever see or care about.

I am not a success story. I have not lost tons of weight and I don’t have the answers just yet. What I do know is whatever is happening is unfolding RIGHT NOW at page one. ๐Ÿ™‚ Those of you right there with me on the table of contents, don’t give up!

Happy One Month Birthday Blog!


(Jills birthday cake made by Marie. . . Used for good measure)

I know this isn’t a huge milestone in blog land, but for me it is. I actually went a whole month successfully posting unlike my last 2 blogs and I feel really good about this one. This month I . . .

Put Myself Out There. I became a face of beauty and showed my struggles on how I selected the picture that made it.

Learned About Fear. and how in most cases fear is worse then the problem you face.

Fought Against An Avalanche Of Negativity. I was able to stop a series of negative actions that drowned my thoughts just from looking at one unflattering picture.

Talked To Myself. I got to really speak to the wise inner voice inside of me that was previously silenced by an obsession of diet and exercise.

Began MY Future I got acceptance to the school I have been wanting to go to and will be starting this fall!

Fit In! yes, I may not fit the norm, but damnit I fit in here in my own special way!

I’m constantly learning new things and loving that I have a place to share my thoughts. I’m even more lucky that I have other people read my thoughts and share thoughtful comments. All of you rock!

I love the support and look forward to many more memories as my life begins to change for the better ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m off for a wild ride with Ashley tonight. Stay tuned for the madness ๐Ÿ˜‰

Well, after half applying to school, I rushed to get the other half in the mail. And though I haven’t received anything back yet. I sent some nosy emails to admissions and found out . . .

I’ve been accepted to Natural Gourmet Institute!

Of course, this is assuming that everything goes peachy with the student loan. The good thing is, not only did I get accepted, I was lucky enough to somehow slip into the Fall part time semester of this year!! I for sure thought I wouldn’t make it.

There are SO many things running through my head right now . . . More on that later in the week.

Chris and I decided to go to LongHorn Steakhouse for an impromptu celebration dinner.


They were having a special for $29.99 which gets you an entree, salad and either a dessert or appetizer to split. We went with the appetizer. They only had 3 choices so we decided on the Texas Tonion.


I had the AWESOME Sam Adams Octoberfest beer. I’m falling in love with Sam Adams . . . Chris said I’m lucky he’s dead ๐Ÿ˜‰


The entrees weren’t impressive. I ordered a filet crusted with fontina cheese. I will never order a steak crusted with cheese again. The fontina cheese was just so bitter and totally clashed with the steak. I scraped it right off!


I had a great time though. One of my favorite things to do is go out to eat with Chris. We always have a great conversation and were always giddy about the prospect of food.

By the time the entrees came, we were actually stuffed! We each took half our steak and potato home with the intention of making steak quesadillas tonight, but he went golfing so I made a salad instead.


I’d just like to mention that I took that picture BEFORE I put the rest of my chopped up baked potato in there. Laugh all you want. It had substance! ๐Ÿ™‚

Me: I have been pretty bummed about the way Im not listening to my body as much as I did when I first started eating intuitively.

Inner Voice: Well, you should be proud of yourself for coming so far in fixing your relationship with food

Me: Thats the problem, I don’t think that it is about the food anymore, because if it was . . . I wouldn’t be sabotaging myself and falling off the wagon a lot. I would TRULY and HONESTLY want to feed my body right because that’s what it deserves.

Inner Voice: Well then there is your problem right there!

Me: What do you mean?

Inner Voice: I mean that under all these food issues, the real problem is that you don’t love and accept yourself. Someone who loves and accepts themselves honestly, is someone who feeds themselves well out of love.

Me: Your absolutely right and thats kind of sad . . . Well, then how do I love and accept myself?

Inner Voice: . . . . . I don’t know, but you must figure it out

Me: *sigh*

๐Ÿ˜ฅ



  • None
  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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