Balancing Val

*Finding Balance* Kate

Posted on: October 20, 2010

**This post is by Kate from Walking In The Rain

I was in third grade when I decided there was something wrong with me.  According to other people I ate too much, watched too much TV, read too much, acted too weird.

I weighed too much.  

So I began to overcompensate.  I did my best to be quiet, well behaved, and loyal to offset my “shortcomings”.  I became a doormat, letting people take advantage of me in hopes I could grab and hold onto a small sliver of acceptance.  I buried who I was deep down and became a chameleon.  I pretended what my family and friends liked, I liked.  I made sure I was average to avoid drawing attention to myself.  I blended in.  

I learned to live by just scraping by.

As a result I gained weight, so I took the next logical step—I went on a diet.

I’ve probably been “on” a diet more in my life than “off.”  

Still my soul was dying.  My confidence was low, and I let other people decide my fate.

My sophomore year in college I began having panic attacks and depressive episodes.  After graduation I was still plagued by anxiety, the only relief was to eat as much food as I could stomach.  That sick feeling was the only respite from the soul crushing weariness I faced every day.

Are you familiar with the definition of insanity?  Repeatedly doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result?

I was insane for expecting my diet plan would somehow bring the salvation I was seeking.

In 2009 I had enough.  I quit the diet and I read Intuitive Eating.  I discovered blogs written by amazing people who didn’t let their weight stop themselves from being who they truly were.  I started bring this new awareness into my daily life and found I no longer dread the morning. I love rediscovering who I am.  I still have days when my old self resurfaces and I fall back into old habits.  I began to overeat and hide myself from the world.  Every time I overeat I have to remember who I am.  

I am someone who loves to eat squash and dark chocolate.

I am someone who loves flavored coffee.

I am someone who can’t eat dairy.  (Well I CAN eat dairy, but I don’t appreciate the stinky side effects.)

I am someone who reads fantasy novels and wishes she received a letter to Hogwarts when she was eleven.

I am someone who has finally found a place she belongs both in real life and in the blog world.

I am someone who will give blood to her nearest and dearest if they ask, even if the sight of blood makes her faint.

I am someone who enjoys putting music to movement.  

I am someone who enjoys walking in the rain.  

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1 Response to "*Finding Balance* Kate"

YOU.. are wonderful. Thank you for the great guest post, Kate!

I love fantasy novels too but somehow I was never able to get into Harry Potter. I’ve tried 3 or more times but I can never get through the second book! Maybe I should try again..

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  • Ayla: My easiest dinner recipe? PB + banana sandwich. Takes 2 minutes which makes me a very happy girl.
  • kristisn: Yum! That looks like a great dinner.
  • Kate D: After two scarring experiences stuck in big city rush hour traffic (facing the wrong direction) while on vacation with my parents I totally understand

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