Balancing Val

I’m In An XL State Of Mind

Posted on: September 24, 2010

Yesterday I rode the emotional roller coaster of life with some steep ups and downs. I sobbed at the end of the night and really let myself feel what I was feeling. Digging through beliefs emotions and then having to deal with them is no doubt uncomfortable but I’m feeling much better πŸ™‚

Through all of that, something also happened yesterday that I DIDNT realize. Something that would usually have sent me on that same roller coaster upside down and backwards on a full stomach!

Earlier in the morning, Chris and I went shopping so I can get a bathing suit for our upcoming vacation. I tried on a bunch of things, some fit, some didn’t, some looked ridiculous because they weren’t ‘me’. I ended up buying a new bathing suit, board shorts and one of those sleeveless sundress things. What I bought . . . I loved, I was comfortable and they were flattering.


So I went home to pull the tags off of them and discovered . . . .

They Were All XL!


Fully expecting to have a pity party panic attack, I looked up and realized . . .

I DONT GIVE A CRAP!

Really!! I didn’t! This is what I chose because I liked the way they looked and the way they fit. The size was an AFTERTHOUGHT! This hasn’t happened in years!

I don’t consider myself fat, I really don’t. But my body does not fit comfortably in any other size. I have large muscular legs, I have a bubble butt and broad shoulders, bigger hips and a small waist. I can’t pretend that I’m a medium, or that I can possibly wear arm spanx to fit into a small. THIS IS WHAT FITS ME RIGHT NOW.

For once in my life, I didn’t let the size on my clothes define me as a failure, or someone with no will power, or someone who doesn’t deserve to wear a bathing suit. Maybe one day that size will change, but right now it is what it is. It’s liberating to know that I will be happy instead of shameful of the letter on my clothing that no one will ever see or care about.

I am not a success story. I have not lost tons of weight and I don’t have the answers just yet. What I do know is whatever is happening is unfolding RIGHT NOW at page one. πŸ™‚ Those of you right there with me on the table of contents, don’t give up!

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5 Responses to "I’m In An XL State Of Mind"

Awesome Val.

You are a success story! Trying on clothes is one of my most hated things I have to do, and if you could get through it without going into a shame spiral, there is hope for me!

Thank you Kate!

WE can do this! πŸ™‚

WOO HOO lovely! I hate the sizes of clothes cause it really doesn’t matter. It’s how you wear it, what your spirit says when it shines through…that’s all that matters.

Keep up the amazing work and go wear those clothes w/ pride πŸ™‚

Val, you just warmed my heart. I recently have come to terms that I am NOT my size. As someone who has gained 11 pounds over the past year, and has had to buy ALL new pants sizes…it can certainly bring you down. But not me!
Since when does my self worth boil down to a tag sewn inside your jeans?

Keep on rockin’ and inspiring us!

Thanks Amanda! It’s so sad how those letters and numbers have so much effect on defining us. It’s as if we have it written on the back of our clothes so everyone can see when in reality . . . Nobody cares! Thanks for stopping in πŸ™‚

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