Balancing Val

The Pressure Is On

Posted on: September 20, 2010

I would definitely agree that I am the type of person that puts a lot of pressure on herself to succeed. In a way, this is good. I’ve been able to leave a job knowing how to work every department and I have gained trust and respect and a ton of knowledge along the way.

But what happens when IM in control?

This weekend, with the help of my dad I was able to apply for my first ever student loan. Previously when I was in community college, I had help from my parents or put tuition on my credit card (so stupid). I went to college just because its what im ‘supposed’ to do. I went there not knowing what I wanted or was passionate about. So I strung along and THANKFULLY found a direction, but in nothing i truly loved.But this is the big time, this is what I want.

I have to say I was completely SHOCKED about how much it will cost me in the end to borrow the amount that I needed. I mean with interest, it’s really not to far from paying DOUBLE what I needed to borrow even with the lowest possible interest rate!

I looked at my monthly payments which work out to ~$380 per month for 8 years.


I know some of you have been there done that, but I just need to express the pressure I now feel.

This means that I have to come up with that amount of money PLUS my regular expenses, PLUS possible commuting costs if I get a job in the city. I have to make sure I do something that is able to handle all of this financially.

And so. . . . I’ve decided to become a stripper instead of go to school.

. . . .kidding πŸ˜‰

It took a lot for me to reassure myself that everything would be ok going into this a bit free spirited. I told myself that no matter what if nothing but knowledge comes from this, I will be ok where I’m at and have time to figure things out.

But, the chokehold of finance really put a damper on that.

I’m not saying that I was just going to graduate then hang out for a while and see what happened. But I really didn’t want there to be this scary elephant in the room.

I know ill be ok, but again it’s the fear of the unknown that kills me. The fear that I will be struggling. The fear that I wasn’t good enough to get a job good enough to pay my bills.

On the other hand, it might be a good thing as it is somewhat of a positive stress or motivation. I am willing to work hard and I am willing to put myself out there to follow my passion.

But jeez . . . Money Sucks! πŸ™„

Thank you for listening to today’s rant.



5 Responses to "The Pressure Is On"

Hi, I am new to your blog. I hear you on the challenge! I will graduate in Feb. with my BA (finally) and when my student loans come due.. yikes! But, all we can do is the best we can do. Congrats on making your dreams come true!! πŸ™‚ Janelle

Argh – money DOES suck!! I wish I could just kind of do whatever and never have to worry about money. Of course, thats not the real world. $380 a month is a LOT though! Thats more than my car payments.

I hear ya on the money stress! I paid out of pocket for my graduate school and money was super tight.

But if the money is going to something you love its totally worth it. Hopefully the job market will be kind to you when you graduate (mine certainly isn’t).

How in the world did you get through that? Did you have to seriously cut back on other areas in your life?

Honestly I don’t remember how I did it! After the first semester when it was apparent money was going to be really tight I took advantage of a full time job opening so there were two incomes to work with. I also received a nice scholarship from a career association which was able to pay for tuition and books for 1/3 of my school which helped. That alleviated a lot of stress!

But it still wasn’t a fun time and my binge eating disorder fully developed during that time because I was under huge amounts of stress and unable to vocal what was going on (so I ate instead.) If I could do it over I probably would have planned better. I would have saved up some money and chosen a different grad school program.

Oooh, but here is something that might help take some sting out of student loans: You’ll get huge tax breaks for continuing education! πŸ™‚

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