Balancing Val

The Avalanche Of Negativity

Posted on: September 3, 2010

This morning I started drafting a post in my head about dressing for your here and now body. I took a picture of what I was wearing today to see if I can throw it in somewhere, and let’s just say … I’m going to have to put that post on hold for now.

I want to talk about what happened when I saw this picture . . .

I immediately looked at it and said GROSS! Look at my stomach! It looks so big and jiggly, you can see everything! I wish I could just get rid of all this crap!

Seconds before this picture was taken, I was happy! How could I not be? I had ice cream for breakfast! After finally deciding not to change my shirt, I noticed something happening.

Ladies and Gentleman . . .

The Avalanche Of Negativity

All of the sudden, everything went wrong. I was seeing my day in a totally different light . . .

I didn’t want to go to work, my eyeshadow was too orange, I left my water bottle home, my peaches were rotting, my nails looked gross today, my hair seemed too greasy, my pants felt too tight, I was too tired. . . I found a way to JUDGE just about everyone that walked in!

All of this because of a picture? Really?

Since I was conscious of the avalanche, I told myself that it was surely possible to turn it around. I had a long day of work ahead of me, so this is a MUST. I asked myself if people would really see me as the way I am in that picture.

The answer? Visually, yes . . . . They would see exactly what I saw. But what they probably wouldn’t see is what that picture represented in my head which was fat, lazy and undeserving.

Let me say that again . . . When people see that picture, they dont see fat, lazy and undeserving.

I had to literally convince myself of this over and over and you know what? It worked! After a while I knew that it used much much more energy to ride through the avalanche then it was to move out of the way. One unflattering picture does NOT give you the right to talk down on yourself or ruin your day! Besides, I’m not the only one suffering when I do these these things, I wrongfully judged people because I was mad at myself . . . Not cool 😳

All I can say in the end is that I am grateful I had the sense to not only go through it, but watch me go through it at the same time. Just the awareness alone was a big deal. It also helped that I made a promise to myself about Being REAL and always posting the first picture. A lesson learned.
What do you see when you look at a picture of yourself that isn’t very flattering?


14 Responses to "The Avalanche Of Negativity"

You are beautiful, you have a stunning figure – I love that photo! I am going to use a RunRettaRun word. You look “redonkulous”, that means hot : )

I know what you mean about the avalanche of negativity though. I am glad that you were persistant and moved through it! That is a big deal!

Thanks so much for the compliment! πŸ™‚

I once looked at a photo of me in high school and thought I looked sluglike. (I was sitting awkwardly on a stool wearing an oversize sweatshirt that wasn’t flattering at all.)

I don’t have photos of me anywhere. Maybe a few of when I was younger, but nothing recent. I don’t even have my wedding photos on display. I’m too afraid to look at myself and thing “wow you look so gross” or “wow you used to look so good, you really let yourself go.”

I know how I perceive a photo of myself depends on how I’m feeling about myself. However, its been a very long road of self-abuse and that I’m ugly was impressed upon me at such a young age, its hard to stop listen to that mean girl of an inner voice.

First let me just say I see nothing wrong with that picture. Second, you’re right. No one else thinks those things when they look at you. I was just thinking about that this morning when I was trying to decide if it was ok to wear a slightly dirty shirt to work. I decided that no one cares what I look like but me.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I totally wore the dirty shirt to work. πŸ™‚

Lol! Dont want to know how many times I wear a pair of work pants or jeans before I wash them again! I mean it takes forever to stretch them out so they are comfortable again, and then the ironing. Nobody notices though . . Unless is spill something on myself . . . Which is often πŸ˜‰

val, i do that all to often.. i put on a shirt that i thought would look really good, and then its not, so i keep changing and changing until i end up wearing a huge loose shirt. I’ve learned to not care what people think of me, but i sometimes still do, especially if its weight/body shape related. But hey, im in high school, so thats normal, right? πŸ˜›

I’ve noticed that you do that too (air and space museum anyone. πŸ˜‰ ) But you want to make sure that you are dressing for the way you look here and NOW so if that’s what makes you comfortable then go for it!

It sucks thinking your going to wear a certain shirt and then it doesn’t look right. Then you keep trying and trying until there is a mountain of clothes on the floor. I always stick with the oldie but goodie shirts which is why i always end up wearing the same thing!

I understand the whole high school thing, but I’m learning that no matter where you are in life, it’s not ok to compare yourself to others, especially when it comes to weight/body image. The earlier you start, the worse it will become. I have a book if you want to read it.

Val? You’re a babe and tell your mind to eff off if it tries to tell you otherwise. I’ve done the same thing – felt hot, looked at a picture.. and suddenly felt disgusting. It’s really ridiculous. A photo should NOT have that kind of power over us. Nothing should. Good job at blasting through the avalanche! I know it’s not easy and most people would just let it bury them.

Thank you! πŸ˜€

It’s funny, I look back at that picture as I am responding to comments, and I really don’t think it’s THAT bad. It makes me wonder what in the world was taking hold of my mind when I saw the avalanche coming? The power something like that has is scary, I literally turned into someone or someTHING else!

WOW, i do the EXACT same thing and react exactly the same way! I have let it RUIN MY MOOD for the whole entire day…. its really terrible and i wish i wouldn’t be so critical of myself….

I know it’s not easy, believe me.

Try focusing on your reaction when you see a picture you don’t like next time. Let your thoughts happen, but at the same time . . . Realize what is going on and be observant. Later ask yourself why you felt what you felt. Follow it to it’s core. It’s likely you criticize yourself because you are unhappy with something. Try and figure out the why.

Its a start πŸ™‚

This sounds a lot like the feeling I used to get after weighing myself and not liking the number. It really is all in our heads! I think you look gorgeous in that picture, and I hope you had a better day after that!
And if I see and unflattering picture, I try to brush it off. Not every picture is gorgeous. Lighting, angles, etc. make a huge difference, and it’s not a good deal. I like what I see in the mirror.

Great post and great photo! I love that you’re using this to help others thinking positively of themselves!

Val you look amazing in that pic!

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