Balancing Val

The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself

Posted on: August 18, 2010

I’m sure you have all heard this quote plenty of times before, but does it really resonate with you?

To be honest, I never really thought about it much. In fact, the only time I thought about it was when I heard it in this song which is awesome, but not the point.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about fear and emotion. What I have learned are 2 things:

– fear holds you back from SO much, whether it be singing karaoke, acing a test, going on a scary roller coaster, getting accepted into a school, and more importantly it holds you back from being your true self.

– the fear which can also be described by worry or anxiety is more often then not worse then the feeling you are anticipating

Honestly, how many things have you been worried about that turned out to be not as bad as you thought in the end? How many times have you said to yourself “damn, all that worry for nothing”. In fear we are unable to make rational decisions. We protect ourselves from feeling emotions. We become someone we are not and this alone finds it’s way through every aspect of your life.

Of course, the other side of the coin is that negative things do happen, and sometimes things really are worse then you could have imagined. What do we do in these situations? The best thing to do is feel those emotions. Feel the pain, the hurt and take a look inside yourself and express what these feelings mean to you. The amazing thing about being human is that we all have the capability to move on. We can deal with emotions, heal and let them go. Yes, after you fully experience them you can LET THEM GO. You can let yourself go back to a place where you know that no matter what happens to you, you will be ok because deep down, you always were.

This may seem hard to grasp and I understand. I am just learning how to deal with my fear and it’s not always easy.

I write this because one of my biggest fears was to be judged by anyone. Whether it is peers, family, friends or even strangers I just never really wanted to let anyone see the real me. My confidence and self- esteem issues make me believe that I am broken and could easily be judged. The fear and anxiety I feel, the work that put in to make sure nobody can truly get to my core and see “me” is exhausting and makes me feel even more broken.

But what if I am judged? What if people talk about me? What if they dont like the way I look or think the choices I make in my life aren’t the best? Well . . . .

SO WHAT!

I have heard people talk about me and judge me and I am still here, I am still breathing. I am ok, I am not broken . . .

The fear of judgement is far worse then the judgement itself.

I am going to try my best to put my life out on this blog without any regrets. Every other blog that I have started was about me trying to teach something rather then live something. This blog will end up pretty random. Sometimes, I do have something to teach, and sometimes I will need to be taught. Some days will be boring, some days will be overwhelming. Such is the nature of life. I hope you will continue following along.

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4 Responses to "The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself"

i love that song…

well Val, FDR was right… and you just defined the reason why i lose so many matches, the fear of losing

it’s good that i know the problem…now it’s just finding the true solution

Well, the answer you gotta find yourself. To help, try this . . . I’d write it down.

Ask yourself what exactly are you afraid about losing?

Are you afraid of not getting the spot you want?
Are you afraid of people thinking your a failure?
Are you afraid you will disappoint the people who want you to do good?
Are you afraid you will be kicked off the team?

If you say yes to any of these things, think about exactly how you would feel if they actually happened? Think about how much it would suck but also realize at the end of the day that you will be fine and life will go on if you lose. It’s a hard concept to grasp but really its true. You only have to please yourself.

Right now fear is holding you back so much that you are probably missing the opportunity to have fun with what you love. You are worried so much that the end result of you losing is worse then the effort and strain of actually losing.

Try to just have fun, really. You don’t have much time left in high school for this and you don’t want to look back at yourself and see that you spent more time fearing a match then enjoying it!:)

Ps – my legs still hurt.

My problem is that i set my expectations so high that when i mess up, everything just falls apart.

It starts with my shots and soon it takes over my entire being..It tremendously effects my confidence and it’s hard to break from the pattern..

now i feel depressed that my high school career is practically over, thanks

ps- my legs still hurt too

Ever try lowered expectations?, . . . Lol

No seriously though, try dropping the ego and expectations. Maybe where your mind thinks you should be and where you actually are, are two different things. Maybe you should play the way you are NOW instead of the way you think you should. It’s only fair to yourself.

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